Hey you. Yes, your kid is an a-hole too!
What? Wait? Not my kid. Yes, your kid too. How do I know this? I know that there is no such thing as a perfect kid. Not possible. So, even those kids that are the good, well-mannered kids have had a moment of assholery. Maybe you are lucky and they only have those moments in the privacy of your own home with you –stomping their feet, crying out in public, telling you no, or eye rolling. I am not so lucky.
Here’s the thing. We do our best. We want our kids to be kind, well mannered. Sure, your kid could be all of those things. However, even the nicest kid can be influenced by other kids around them to make less than ideal choices. THEY ARE HUMAN. You can even throw the constant tattlers into this asshole category. You know the ones you run to tattle on other kids every 2 minutes – when they are also doing their own evil things.
I am honest about it. My kids have lots of asshole moments. Most of them are at home but I am realistic and know they fuck up in the world too. My daughter can be bitchy. My son can be loud and rude. No matter now much I preach to them, I realize they will still have those moments. I mean – even adults have those moments so why wouldn’t a kid? Mistakes are mistakes and I talk to my kids about every single one.
But there is the thing – when your kid is being asshole and hurts another kid – either verbally or physically. You need to own up to it. You need to make your children own up to it.
I’m lucky most of my friends are realistic about their kids and any mistakes they make out in the world. (Though I have a few who only make excuses for everything their children do and even turn it around on other kids. You know because their kids are perfect) You are hurting your kids when you do this and setting your kid to be a complete ASSHOLE when they grow up. That is a fact.
Recently, my children were on the other end of some unkind behavior. The kid who subjected them is known for not being kind. He is known for thinking the rules do not apply to him. However, some things are more hurtful than name calling and more personal. There are things in people’s home lives that are personal, can’t be changed and should not be made fun of – it’s simple.
A boy called out a physical appearance issue with my daughter. It was over the line. Normally, I tell my kids – “hey it doesn’t matter, you know yourself and there will always be someone wanting to put you down.” However, when it’s over the line.- It’s over the line.
A conversation with the mother was nothing but veiled excuses for her son. There were even flat out lies. Basically, she fed me a line of bullshit – all to make her son look innocent. I believe that deep down we know our children. I also believe that sometimes it is hard to grasp when are kids are flat out mean. No one wants to have the mean kid. The bully.
Here’s an idea though, instead of calling to make excuses or cover up behavior – you should hold your kids responsible. That’s how they learn right from wrong. That’s how we teach them to learn from their mistakes. That’s how they realize the consequences of their actions. They are kids. It’s your JOB to teach them. These are life lessons.
This isn’t always an easy task and it’s not a fun task either. (Yes, I have had to do this with my child.) No one likes to admit when they are wrong. No one likes to admit their child is being an asshole.
Here’s the thing, we should be working TOGETHER as parents. We don’t have to have the same rules with bedtimes or when they do their homework. One rule that should be universal is being kind and being the best person you can be – SIMPLE FACT.
When are kids fail, we need to make sure they know how to learn from those mistakes. We need to teach them it’s ok to make mistakes and this is how you pick yourself up from those mistakes.
Parenting is already the hardest job in the world. Why can’t we work together?