Mothers and daughters
it’s a tricky thing. I love my mom. She’s my best friend. We have always been close. She knows most things about me. I’ve kept a few details from her that I know would hurt her. But when I look back at my childhood, I’m not sure what I would do without her.
I have s teenage daughter now. Our relationship is not the same as my mom and I. She doesn’t seem to like me very much. She lies quite often but she’s not a bad kid. She appears to be angry often.
I’ve been trying to remember the things I kept from my mom. But my things were BIG things. Not a fight with a friend or a name someone called me. Most of those BIG things happened later in my teen years or my early twenties.
Raising a daughter in the time of social media is an extra challenge. I’ve tried to remember my mom didn’t know a lot of things because there was no Facebook to post them. (Trust me I am grateful for this every day.) My mom also wasn’t close with the other mothers. She was friendly with them. But she didn’t go out with them or sit down and chat with them on a regular basis.
But our world is different now. Are there more predators or are we just more aware? I’m not quite sure. These days you do need to know the mothers and parents of your child’s friend.
Sex trafficking is a real thing. It’s terrifying. I struggle with giving her freedom and being terrified at the same time. I am sure she wishes I would stop reading every article or watching documentaries. She doesn’t understand that I am trying to be prepared (even though I don’t think you can ever really be prepared.) I would never be able to live with myself if dropped all my instincts and the worst happened.
I don’t want to rain on her parade while she grows up. I’ve sat by and watch her screw up with her friends. It broke my heart but I realized she had to learn these mistakes on her own. I don’t want to hover over her while she goes through life.
I love my daughter but she’s sneaky. She isn’t always truthful. She passes the blame to overs very easily. Admitting she is wrong is not something she does very often. These traits make me more nervous to let her have freedom I probably would have given her. (Maybe not.)
However, when it comes to putting her at risky in potentially dangerous situations, I tend to lock up my controls on her. She has a lot of resentment towards me.
We are currently in a standoff with social media as I type this. Some pretty hateful things flew out of her mouth. She’s lost her phone privileges. I have told her repeatedly WHY she is in trouble. (Being deceitful and lying are not good reasons for you to be able to have free range.)
I don’t like fighting with her. I wish I could find that balance with her. I’m not a young hip mom (as I envisioned) but I’m not a hard ass either.
I’m not sure how I’m going to find energy to get through these next few years. Most people tell me she will become my friend when she hits her 20s. I am hope I am around when this day happens. I wish she knew that I felt like I was screwing up as a mother every single day. I don’t have all the answers. I screw up often. I try to lead my example to make my wrongs right.
I guess when it’s your first born in small way you go through growing pains together. Wish me luck as I make my way through the teen years again with her. (And her siblings in the next couple of years.)