Friendship in your 40s
Welcome to your 40s. Your 40s. When you have been on this planet long enough to finally figured out all the bullshit. Right? Sure. High school drama should be far behind you. You could be a parent, even a grandparent. Your focus changes to making yourself happy.
Or does it? I am in my 40s. I’ve got a nice family if I do say so myself. All the things I have pretty much envisioned for myself has come true (except for those few pounds I can’t seem to shake.)
However, the high school drama bullshit STILL exists. It’s quite unreal to me. I can’t believe I am actually doing a blog post about this subject. But here goes.
When we are growing up, we are finding our way. We are looking for those friendships that are going to last a lifetime. Our friendship soul mates. If you are lucky, you find them early and then you even add to the list as you move onto other stages in your life.
The bad news is sometimes your soul mates already have baggage. What do I mean by baggage? Your soul mates are close friends with people you can see right through. These are people who are selfish and untrustworthy. They are people you would not miss if they moved far away. (And sometimes you secretly wish they would.) You wouldn’t fight to keep in touch with them. In fact, the only reason these people are even in your life is due to your common connection (SOULMATES.)
So, here you are in your 40s, trying to get away from the bullshit. Yet, here you are stuck in it. You go to events with them. You make sure to just watch your comments and friendly gossip. Doesn’t matter because when you have one of these people in your life – they are hell bent on making you miserable. Most of it is behind the scenes of course. (Just has they have been since high school.)
What’s upsetting is that you wish you could grab your soul mates and shake them until they can see what you see. In fact, you hear this person never have a nice thing to say about your beloved soul mates. It hurts you to hear these horrible things but you also realize that some how you will be the person who gets all the blame. So you zip your lips and look the other way while all the hurtful things spew from her mouth.
What makes a person stay with someone who isn’t a friend to him or her? What do your soul mates find in this person? Sometimes their friendship is based on longevity. It’s based on a friendship that started years ago. It’s what they know. The soul mates just feel they are supposed to continue this friendship instead of it go. As an outsider, it’s easy for me to see this as a one-sided friendship.
Some friendships are based on laughter. It’s someone who makes you laugh and you have a good time with but there is no substance to the friendship at all. (I had a friendship like this once but I have been able to walk away.) In the mist of the laughter, it’s so easy to forget there is nothing beneath the surface.
There are also friendships where the mutual attraction is the ability to be mean together. This friendship is based on complete negativity. When the person is a negative soul, a person without anything nice to say about anyone, it’s easier to bitch to him or her about other people. They make it seem ok to be negative and unhappy. They make it easy to let your jealousy fly because they are wrapped in jealousy. Now of course we bitch about people to our closest friends (soul mates). This is different. Your soul mates will defend you in those moments. Your soul mates say “I can’t believe she said that to you. Want me to kick her ass?” Your soul mates will also be honest and say “Are you sure you understood her? Are you sure you didn’t provoke” Not negative Sally. She will chime in with “I hate her too. Listen what she did to me.” In fact, they are so happy that you are unhappy. It’s like a drug to them.
So, here I am in my 40s. I want to spend more time with the people I love and enjoy their time. My friendships with my soul mates are so very important to me. They are just as important to me as my family. I just wish I could enjoy the little time I have with them in a positive setting.