When we think about becoming parents, we think about babies, toddlers. We think about them growing up and giving us grandbabies.
When they are babies, we run on lack of sleep. We never knew we would care and talk about pooping and eating habits. We never knew we could love another human being so fiercely. Everyone says the years go by so fast. We are so tired we think they are crazy.
Here comes the toddler stage. We are now chasing them around, keeping them out of things. They make us laugh by incorrectly pronouncing words. They even make us laugh when they do bad things. We shake our heads and laugh under our breath when they yell out a curse word.
They move on to school and we worry about them making friends. We worry about their grades. We just want make sure they are invited to play dates and birthday parties.
I look back on those days and they now seem so far away. I think about tired I was back then. Little did I know what was coming up in my future.
The stage no one prepared me for was the “tween” stage. Sure, I can think back to myself at that age. I can tell my kids my stories so they know they aren’t alone when a friend hurts them. I can tell them the things I did wrong so they can learn from my mistakes (or at least hope).
I wasn’t really prepared the AMOUNT of attitude I would be getting from the kids. I wasn’t planning on my life depending on their friendships. I wasn’t prepared for checking texts and social media. I was in no way prepared for reading things in those texts I didn’t want to read. A kid offering my 13 year old a vape pen. A friend sending less than pleasant things via texts. I wasn’t prepared to feel like I am going through all of it all over again. Those hurt feelings. The feelings of being left out. Only this time I think it hurts more because I can’t fix it for them. I can’t make them see it will get better. I can’t make them realize that everyone is trying to find out who they are and where they stand with other peers.
When you are parent, you set your rules for your children. Rules they break. Rules you bend. The flip side to those rules is when other parents don’t have those same rules. Parents who have way less rules than you have set down. There is always a parent more “cool” than you. Things you don’t really feel comfortable with but you do trust those parents.
I’m not in denial about what lies ahead of me – sex, drugs, drinking. I know they are on the horizon. They will be here sooner than I know it. It actually terrifies me if I am being 100% honest. I like to be honest with my kids and keep the lines of communication open. Like I said, I read the texts and I see the things that are kept from me. Nothing horrible – YET. I think back to my childhood and how things have changed. My mom didn’t have to worry about social media. In ways, it might have been better if she didn’t know things. I wasn’t a horrible kid. I stayed a virgin, stayed away from drugs though I did drink.
I also don’t think parents got so involved in everything with us. My parents knew my friends parents. My parents knew where I was spending my time. They didn’t have conversations with other parents about what we were doing – they let us figure it out. I know if they had to step in, they would have. I know that my friend’s parents would have been the same way.
To me, the dark side of parenting is these years – tween/teenager. Sex trafficking is a major concern. Kids want to see how many “followers” and “streaks” they can rack up. They don’t always look at who their friends on social media. They don’t know about the people who scout out other kids. (Think about Peter in the movie Taken.”
I feel very unprepared and very ill equipped in these years. Am I the only one?